Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Marianne's first Hair Experience

Ya know when you are home with a newborn and you look around at things you've neglected?  Well I hate to admit it, but have not really touched Marianne's hair since the "haircut" at Easter.  Hum...so what to do when Rhetten is under the blue lights?  Let's distract Marianne with coloring while mommy attempts to do her hair...
1) water
2) brush
3) part in the middle
4) and band, band, band the hair into two piggies and viola`

Just look at this little girl!  Daddy's reaction: "Finally!  She looks like a little girl!"  I will take that as the best compliment of the day.  What a cutie-pie!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Rhetten Arrives!

The Story of Rhetten Scott Giauque:
Saturday at 2am early morning, Mommy was awakened with a sudden feeling of something is not right. The first phrase that ran through my head was from a Madeline book, “Miss Clavel turn on the light and said, ‘”Something is not right!’”  The “something that is not right” was a lot of pressure in the upper abdomen.  It felt like I had a baseball in my diaphragm.  My belly was tight and stretched out a vertically like a football with a baseball towards the top and not nice and round like a basket ball.  
It was tricky to breathe with this new pressure so I went to the bathroom to see if that would relieve some of the pressure.  It didn’t touch it.  I needed to walk, find a more comfortable position, anything to relieve this new feeling.  I went downstairs, paced, had some water, laid on the carpet, and then back to upstairs.  Scott said that we needed to go to the hospital to check things out.  I wanted to agree but I was too overcome with emotion to think clearly or to have much faith.  My fear was that they would send us home because I was not having any contractions and I couldn’t face that.
Overwhelmed I did what most women do, I broke down and cried…sobbed really.  Scott was calm, was comforting, and asked if I would like a blessing.  I agreed and following the beautiful words I began to calm down and off we drove to Ogden.  I was not allowing myself to think about anything except for the words in the blessing that “I would be able to deliver this baby in the intended way.”

Scott helped me out of the car and held my hand the whole way up to the fourth floor.  After checking in, the nurses brought me to the triage rooms to do the standard work up: asking about contractions, how long, what is the pain like, any leakage—the whole drill.  All I could tell them is that something was not right and that I needed help.  Nurse Stephanie checked me and immediately said that there was nothing there.  Then she got grabbed by a hand or by a foot.  Baby had flipped to breech—not even a bum was there.  I immediately was overwhelmed with tears and fears.  All I could think was that he was in trouble and that this birth was NOT going to be like my other 6.
The nurses seemed to go from casual to very serious quickly.  I kept looking over at Scott for support and he was very calm and just stayed focused which helped to calm me down again and catch my breath and think, “ok we can do this”.  Quickly the nurses got a hold of Dr. Seale and handed to phone to me.  He explained what my options were and what the procedures were going to be and that he would be to the hospital in 10 minutes.   Procedures: 1) epidural, 2) turn the baby by pressing on my tummy, 3) break my waters, 4) pitocin, 5) and deliver this baby,but if at anytime we needed to C-section then that was going to happen. I had 10 minutes to wrap my head around this new reality and that I had to relinquish all control of this birth over to the Lord.  I was officially a participant and had to trust in the plan that was going to unfold.
Me and epidurals…this could be a section by itself, but the short and fat of it is that my blood pressure drops with it.  I mean really drops: 65/25.  That’s why I labor till I’m dilated to about a 7 or 8.  But I’ve never started labor with the epidural first.  I was worried I wouldn’t be able to feel it, help with pushing, or anything.  Regardless of theses fears, it was time.  Bend the back, hold Scott’s hand, in goes the needle, and we are done.  Take a breath, watch the blood pressure hold at 66/29, get the epi going, and welcome back!
In comes Dr. Seale, he was calm and reassured my mind that he was going to be successful with moving the baby: 1) goop up the tummy, 2) say a prayer, and 3) press down on the tummy with all his might to turn, and push and turn and push that baby into place.  Ouchy, ouchy, and…ahhhhhhhh.  It worked.  The pressure was gone!  Quickly Dr Seale broken my water to make sure that baby boy would not turn again and not slide out of position. Now On to the delivery!
Delivery.  Usually this is accomplished for me by a few hours of contractions, then some ouchy pain, an epidural when I’m about an 8, and then a few pushes, and viola`--  a baby.  This time I think I needed a different experience to help me understand a prayer that I had in my heart.  I had happy contractions (thanks to the pit) and I was smiling, laughing with Scott, figuring out his name, and just enjoying our time together.  That was for about 2 hours.  Then it all changed…

I was not able to catch my breath, my contractions increased, and then the pain!  The pain was on my right side and low.  I thought that my placenta was ripping away from the uterus. My bleeding increased and it was very difficult to control.  Then, the vomiting, the moaning, more vomiting, more moaning, can’t breathe, and poor Scott getting to see, hear, feel me at my worst.   Let’s just say that it was raw—raw pain, grief, and emotion.  This had never happened in any of my deliveries.  I had had a near death with Margaret, and even with that experience I was calm and had no fear, but this pain kept me right here and plenty scared. I knew I was in trouble and the Lord was going to have to step in and finish this, but wow, this one was going to give me a memory.

Let’s get on to the finish—baby was coming, I just had to push…it was a tough job.  Why?  He turned again to face up.  My pain, coping with this news, and trying to push was getting to me.  I had to turn it over to the Lord.  I handed it to him and felt the strength to finish. 
Just one more push and ta-dah!  Rhetten Scott Giauque was born: 7lbs, 5 oz, reddish brown hair, blue eyes, big hands, long arms, long torso,  on 9/10/11 at 10:38am.  I was relived, out of pain, and crying as I held this little warm wet baby against my chest--little Rhetten.  Scott came up with the name during our “fun time” of labor.  As soon as he said the name, I knew it was this little man.  His name means “to rescue or to save, to be a savior”.  It was most fitting that our family has a rescuer—someone who can help us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Rhetten Scott Giauque is here.  It is finished…he is here.  We are all here, the Giauque’s are complete from Kellis, Garrett, Isaac, Margaret, Virginia, Marianne, and little Rhetten…we are all here.  Welcome Little Rhetten, you have been waiting the longest, thanks for your patience on waiting for your mommy and daddy to be ready for you.  Love you!

Monday, September 5, 2011

well, I know that things will be ok. But right now I have to just let out the emotion. So bear with me.
1. I have not mentally prepared for this baby because I can't face the fact that he might be my last. I'm not sure how to deal with it or face it. Tears and crying over this for far to long....just don't want to disappoint the Lord...can't feel that or see that this is the last one, so I'm a little nutty. I know, I know...patience, faith...but the emotion is over powering right now.

2. Since I've been denying that this one is coming (I want him, but there is so much to do that I just feel like I HAVE to get as much done as possible to have the house keep running, the job keep running, and the hard kids to do what we need to do, and blah). Anyway I can only think about the 16th. That is the due date and that is all that I can think about. I have only 2 weeks to finish up all the projects, and I can do it within that time frame, but I just want to be calm and ready for the baby so that I'm not frantic. (I know it takes faith, but again, I just need to be human and cry and "freak out" for a little bit--do I have the allwance to do that?)

3. Now this is a hard one that I've been blindsided by: my para just gave her two weeks notice on Friday...ouch...she is the best one that I've ever had, but I'm proud of her for standing up for her family first. Her family is suffering with her working so far away from home, and she is divorced, and she is going to school full time--sounds like more then half of the people at Spectrum. BUT...I'm freaking out on how to train a new para, get things ready to where they need to be, and so forth with the demands of Spectrum.

4. I've been off line for 8 days of work and can't enter in my compass grades, up date the IEP data sheets with the juggling of kids, keep track of data, and then there are the 6 kids that are in my classroom that have BIPS: 4 are violent, and the other two are very vocally disruptive. We are working on things and we have meetings after school with the parents (they are looking for a miracle--hope I can help, but we all know that school is just a part of the whole picture).

5. I'm also trying to learn ASL and I have to travel to Ogden to learn it because the changed the parent infant program from in home services to out source. (nice...now I'm away more from my family then ever, but we have to learn and she is just flying with the language...I'm trying to keep it all into perspective right now, but I'm struggling).

6. Let's turn back to the family...my mom had a cardiac episode last week. It was life and death on Tuesday so I took a day off (but that was one of the 8...) I'm so glad that we did and that she pulled through but now she can't work anymore, will have oxygen for the rest of her life, my dad has to go on the road by himself until he gets the local driving job (my mom's depression is in full swing and we are all trying to help her work through this). It mostly is the loss of the income that has added to this stress.

7. I was just informed by SSI (Garrett's disability) that he will no longer recieve his money and that is an income loss of $670 a month (or the equivilant of a part time job). Hum....great timing with me going to go on Materinty non paid leave. Merry Christmas. Scott and I have done everything that we can budget wise to save up for it but right now I only have enough for one paycheck. (I know---exercise more faith--but again until I have my temper tantrum then I can't focus on it).

8. Mom nearly needed to back in to the hospital for a bit on Sat.  Why?  Dr. Marianne turned down the oxygen on her and for two hours she was nearly 2 liters below where she should be. And then I went last night into false labor and uggggg....that through me for a loop because there would have been no one there for tuesday. SCREAM!!!

9. I just want to go to the temple, pray, ponder, and be be calm for the events that are stacking up on us. I'm asking for help, I'm working on trying to get things organized, I'm leaning on who I can for help at Spectrum, but it just seems to be coming in a tsunami crash.

10. Financially, emotionally, near death and life experiences, new life coming, dodging hits, chairs, and CPI holds from many of the students, training a new teacher in a week, finacially not ready, no Christmas for the kids, asking now for food help, ya know...I'm a little undone. So, does anyone have a power of peace to spread on this little one so that I can 1) cry, emotionally get it all out, 2) then look and ponder and make a plan, 3) keep up with all the demands, 4) find a pot of gold to help out with $, and 5) make sure that my family knows I love them all?
Now let me just say that Scott has done everything that he can, and he has been wonderful. He is my biggest supporter. I feel that things will just work out the way that the Lord needs it to, if I follow more faithfully, but right now, I just need to be emotional. sigh.....................I know I'll read this and think that I'm a looney! Oh well. Thanks for letting me vent. Thanks for not fixing anything (yet--I have to get it all out first) and then I'll be ready to so and work.

I guess this is one of those moments where I have to allow the "rescuers" come in and carry me across the ice filled sweetwater river and keep pushing me on to the valley. Thanks for bearing through it with me.