Sunday, February 28, 2010


Gratitude….My Cup Runneth over
Counting my blessings, that is what I am doing this morning. The Lord has done so much for us, for my family, for me. His Love is abundant and all comforting to my heart and soul. He truly is with me as I live his commandments. I feel surrounded by it, supported by it, and comforted by it.
There is a dream and a hope…a deep desire of my heart. It is to have my family with me after this life. I want to be Home, my Heavenly Home. To have peace, comfort, and a love that is filled with intense beauty and power is what I desire to have for all of us.
The concept of home is very powerful to me. It is a place that as a family we learn and grow together. We are given an opportunity to learn about the gospel in a way that is safe and with love. There are days that are not perfect, not even close, but there are times when the teachings of the gospel spreads a hope and a love throughout the family that as I look at them I have a comforting feeling of home…our heavenly home. A glimpse of all of us being there together—it is powerful and feels true.
I think of how I feel at the temple. To stand in the Lord’s house and help my fellow brothers and sisters to step closer towards their Maker is powerfully humbling. I am such a small person in the vastness of the universe, yet the Lord knows who I am and what my desires are. He knows the hearts of all of us. He is in charge and his gentle hand is over all of us, yet he does not interfere with our agency to choose which path we will take.
There is a song that is very meaningful to me. I feel a connection with it because of what it says. It comes from Psalm 23. It was written by James Leith Macbeth Bain. He was a Scottish hymn writer. He combined a disarmingly lovely hymn that is now known as Brother James’s Air. It is filled with pastoral settings that allows my heart and mind to travel back to my time I spent in the United Kingdom climbing mountains, passes, tromping through pastures with clear fields of emerald green dotted with white fluffy sheep and the sounds and smells of life, clean life. As my feet would walk upon the worn cobble stones of the ancient path, I felt a connection to my ancestors and felt a love towards all mankind. I felt a cry from my heart to want to be home, heavenly home with all of my family—all of them: grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters, more than I could even count. I was filled with a serge of wanting to be home with all of them. A feeling of connection, of Christmas, of love overwhelmed me as I walked upon that ancient land. It was a feeling that has never left my side.
Now, today, to have all who I love be by my side, and to feel that we are home is what my heart is heavy for. I want it so badly that I am aching for it. I know that this desire is a righteous one, but one that is curbed by one principle that cannot be changed. That is agency: the right that everyone—all mankind—has to make a choice of right and wrong. I cannot interfere with it, and I know that He doesn’t interfere with it either. Just look at His children. Look at the choices that we all of mankind make here on earth. We made choices that are filled with good, better, best, bad, worse, and down-right evil. Heavenly Father knows all of us and desires for all to come home, but he knows that they (his children) must choose that path. We are all sent to earth from our Heavenly Home to be tested--to see which path we will take.
When I think about this agency, I find myself on my knees more and more pleading with my Heavenly Father to know how to best teach and guide my children so that we all can be home. I pray for the Father to send the Spirit to teach me and guide me. It is humbling to feel it. My “cup overflows” with gratitude towards my Heavenly Father as I see how he has guided my life. I’m humbled to look back on all the steps that have lead us to the place that we are today: we are stable, we have the priesthood in our home again, we are able to have more children to fill our home with our whole family, and we have a love—a deeper love towards each other than we ever have before. We are able to learn, grow, and be shaped by the gospel and by good teachings. I have had witness after witness express to me how well everyone is doing. I smile, I thank them, and then I say a prayer of gratitude in my heart immediately. Our success is through the obedience to the commandments. We are not perfect at it, I am not perfect at it, but as Elder Packer said, “I am not perfect, but I do know how to repent.”
That is how I would like to end my heartfelt gratitude this morning is that I know that repentance is the only way we can make it home, back to our Heavenly home. I know that there are times that repentance is automatic and quick, other times, I have to be humbled by a loving Heavenly Father that allows me to go through the painful process. My heart is filled with gratitude because I am able to learn more fully through that process than any other. Of course I would have loved to by-pass that step (by not making that choice in the first place) but because He is a just God, I have to pay the price, take the consequences, and then change my actions and my heart. Once that final step (which is granted by Him) of having my heart changed occurs, my eyes well with tears and “my cup runneth over”.
Simple, true, and that is what my heart feels. A deep gratitude towards Heavenly Father and all that he has done for me. I am filled with love, with quiet, with energy, with enthusiasm, and with guidance. This comes from Heavenly Father. I know that it does. This is what gives me my personality. It can be overwhelming to some, but I pray that they will feel of my Spirit and my joy. My desire, as I said before, is to bring as many people Home—to their Heavenly Home as I can influence. Why, because this feeling of love and of going home is what I desire for all of us here on earth. I know that I can’t interfere with free agency, so I will do my best to live my life as best I can. I do my best to repent when it is needed, love others, and seek guidance from my Heavenly Father throughout my whole life. I know that this will serve me well.
All of this is the deep desire of my heart. I know that it will be filled with heartache and tears when those around me choose other paths, but nevertheless, I will do my best to still love, care for, and help when I can those that I love.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


When contimplating hard things many things, complex things, or just gratitude, I always seem to turn my thinking into a sort of prayer. It helps me to focus, ask questions, and really think through things. I find myself calling on the Lord for guidance and strength; help or repentence or whatever the mood bight call for. I guess when I call on the Lord, he seems to clarify my thoughts and helps to guide me to the answers that I am seeking.

Granted, there are times that my thinking is just mere rambling and I can't really understand, but at least I seem to feel less "brain cluttered" and that does feel good. I can have spurts of energy from my well (this is what I call them) my Walk and Talks with the Lord. I seem to do my best thinking while my body is in motion. I feel the energy, strength, and sometimes inspiration through the whole process.

The other day I felt inspired to only think of my children. I challenged myself to walk and talk for at least 15 mins to see how fucused I could be on just my children's needs. Guess how far I got? about 42 seconds. Then a flood of "listing" items (things to do for the week, the month, the day, the next hour) seemed to flood in my mind. I found myself talking and more comfortable with my "listing" then I did with thinking about my children...distracted? Habit? Maybe a little of both.

So, I started again. I began to think of my children, and I asked for my strength in my mind to really stay focused on this. As I began, I felt that I could go a little futher than I did before...well I think I lasted about 4 minutes. Impovement? YES! So I kept two trains of thought in my mind: one fucused on my children and the other focused on my Heavenly Father so that I could really understand their needs. Each time I started I got further and further along. I was very excited because I was intune, I was getting inspiration, and I felt more understanding for my children then I did before.

Grateful for the opportunity...Love my Walk and Talks...

Monday, February 1, 2010

How do I love thee? Let me count the Ways...

Love. What is it? Where does it come from? Why is it so important? Why as humans are we in such need of it? The answer is simple. We are sons and daughters of Heavenly Father. We are a family. We are part of His family. We were loved before we came to Earth by our Heavenly Father, Mother and all of our brothers and sisters. We felt this love and so as we are here on Earth, we seek it still. We have an innate nature to desire love of others. That is why Heavenly Father placed us into families.

So how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
Scott: I love you because you love me. I still think that it is amazing that you found me. That you wanted to date a woman with 5 children, special needs, too much enthusiasm for life, and energy to burn. I was always told while I was in my Masters program that I was toooooo much for anyone to handle. Well, I guess they (the masters people) didn't know you. You are my best friend. A friend that listens to me, a friend who worries about me, a friend who loves his new family, and a daddy who isn't afraid of being a daddy (even when markers are flung at you at warp speed:). I love you because you are there for me. I love your love that you share with me. I love you spiritual strength, your desire to serve you HF, and your willingness to obey. I also love your kisses. Can't help is true (blush and sigh)

Kellis: I love you. You are so strong. You have been through so much. You are a leader. You have friends. They all look up to you. You have respect for adults, your leaders, and especially for Scouts. You are brave! What other 11 year old willingly gets stuck in the arm for meds? You do. You have made an impression on everyone at the Hospital. You have don well to save up all you money. I love your creativity. I love your building and engineering ability. I am excited to see you grow into a young man, pass the sacrament, and continue to help others. I am so proud of you! I love you so much. Your jokes and humor is funny to. Scott and I will sit in bed and just laugh at all the things you know and say. You are wonderful! We know that you are going to have success in your life. WE just can see it! I know I tease you about some things, but I just love your strength and fun in our family.

Garrett: My little motivator. You will never know what you have done for our family. Your needs for the right school paced our family on a path that I never knew could exist. Thank you for showing us your talents: drawing, painting, sculpting, reading, and so forth. I don't think I have ever learned so much in my life. HF loved you enough to send you to us. Thank you for coming and sharing your light with all of us. Thank you for your wonderful uniqueness. WE love you! And it is true, you make us laugh. Remember that we are not laughing at you, but with you. Your voice, timing, and smile are ours to have and share with others. We love you.

Isaac: Where do we start? Scott and I are so proud of all your hard work at reading, math, and in tumbling! You are the super star! You fly through the is so fun to watch...I am so proud! I love your energy for life! I love your humor! I love you willingness to help others. I love how the Spirit touches you. I see it and your body gets all excited and bouncy! (It is a lot like me!) I love my Zickles! Who else can do what you can? No one. You are one of a kind. You are awesome and we are so proud of you! Ps You and grandpa are to peas in a pod. It is super cool!

Margaret Susanna: I love you my little dancing, singing, artist! You bring a "Fancy Nancy flare to the family. I love to see how you create, how you love to be in charge, and how you think that everything is beautiful. I'm so happy that you have been bless with all of this talent! You are so smart and you do help others. We love you! Keep on dancing, keep on singing, and keep on being you. Believe in yourself always and you will go far. Mommy and daddy love you.

Virginia Grace: My little Ginny-bear! My little mommy with a strength of 10 children. You definitely know what you want and are very patient with your brothers and sisters. Thank you for sharing those lovely blue eyes with everyone. Thank you for being so flexible and yet know where the rules are. We love your strength and your determination. You are a fire cracker, but at the end of the day you want a hug like everyone else. Daddy and I love you. We love that you are who you are.

Baby Joseph or Marianne: Daddy and mommy love you! You are full of energy! I have never felt anyone move at much as you do. You must be getting ready to come out full force! I can't wait to see you. I can't wait for you daddy to hold you. I can't wait to see how your love continues to bring more and more love into this family. You are one of two that are one their way. Thanks for coming so quickly and so healthy. Keep on moving! We can't wait to see your sweet little face, feet, toes, hands, and tummy. You are the bridge that is fulfilling our family. Thank you baby Giauque.

Happy Valentines! My family is the world to me. I am so happy that HF gave me a family here on Earth. I feel that I am the most blessed person in the world. We are an eternal family. We are sealed in the temple. We are so happy for a loving HF that knows and understand all. Go Giauque's Go!