When you live your life in a way for 9 years with different people and family, you live your life, well, in that way. Nothing wrong with it, but it is just a little different. You adjust to your surroundings. Sometimes the surroundings and the circumstances are heavy, and sometimes very stressful, so you cling to the old (before we were married) types of traditions in hopes that you can have something "normal?" wait maybe "familiar" is the better word.
Then when you are single...
For me I had two plus years of being single again and trying to find myself while still not losing the traditions...or trying to figure out how to make new ones, but not lose their childhood memories and such like that. How to make it feel "normal" or "familiar" yet not getting down or too crazy. It worked for what everyone needed but then...
When you have a second marriage you have a fresh and new way of approaching life, daily living --the holidays. We have to think about how to blend or create new traditions so that it becomes our family and not "this is what we used to do" or "this is what you used to do", but instead it becomes this is what "we" all do (along with not losing childhood in between)...it is a challenge when you worry about it and try to figure out this or that or contrive the situation to what the image in your head is. But when you truly exercise faith (I call faith letting go your your agenda and letting the Lord take over--no worries) in the prayers of your heart (ya know those tender mercies), He delivers in a way that my tunnel vision could never understand--and that I would have missed even with my best laid plans and intentions.
Our traditions are nothing that shake the earth or that are big or wild, but they are allowing the planning side of me (you can Thank the Franklin Planner for all my neurotic pre 32 years old behavior for that--man what a stress case) to stop and listen. That is it, just stopping and listening. Yes we have a tree (my inheritance from Grammy Erma) and Kellis and I put that up every year (this year we needed a bit more help from Mr. Duct tape, phone book, twine, and push-pins), Isaac is my runner and he climbs the shelves and helps with the outside lights--climbing the roof--yeah!, Garrett helps with the ornaments on the tree (he loves to pull out the ones with the pictures of all the kids and tells us all how cute we look--ahh), Margaret and Virginia decorate the "little tree" why? It has the glass unicorn...ahhh. But there is something different with letting go of the "I have to have Christmas EVE party" and allowing others new traditions to enter in--my heart is filled with more love than before. Now that is a bonus!
Our traditions as Giauques: Lights at Temple Square (these can be done anytime), making goodies for the neighbors--even if it is on Christmas Eve, giving family pictures, going to Grandma Giauque's for Christmas Eve dinner and not having to worry about all the cooking--love this, going to the Beck's after Christmas to show off the toys and play music, Scott and I reflecting on the day to day events by laying in bed and talking, having "bed time" with Marianne--she basically climbs on top of both of us, sign babbles, smiles, drools, and then rubs her eyes nurses and is gone, having a new way to open gifts--one at a time (the old tradition went something like this T-minus 3 ,2, 1 everyone rip open everything--paper flying children SCREAMING, and no one really getting a picture...done in less than 4 minutes and then look at the mess. It was not my favorite but it was in the days of "I'm too tired to try and control anything because I had a paper due, lesson planning, and try to balance Autism, crying, and Bi-polar mood swings" days).
But my favorite tradition that has emerged this year is reading in the family room nearly every night the scriptures and a Christmas story from my collection--this has to be one of my favorites. The family has enough room to have their own space, Marianne sits on daddy's lap drinking a bottle and hand babbling, the light from the tree shines as a tribute to those family members that have passed on, and there is peace in my heart when we read and just listen to the Spirit washing over us. Is every night perfect? No, but are we consistent? Yes...what are the children remembering? Our time...spent with them.
I'm sure that many more traditions will form, and if I have the spirit of faith about me I will embrace them, learn from them, and enjoy them. See guys, I can be a bendy brain. I can allow others to plan, have control, and just enjoy the blessing for breathing in and out for another day. It is another element of living by faith (remember that faith is letting go your your agenda and letting the Lord take over--no worries). Now that I'm 36 I feel like I am finally gaining an understanding about what it takes to LOVE LIFE...not just to live it. Merry Christmas to all. Enjoy your family, remember the Saviour, and just love without an agenda...Merry Christmas.
1 comment:
you are spot on April. Way to go!
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