Sunday, February 28, 2010

Gratitude

Gratitude….My Cup Runneth over
Counting my blessings, that is what I am doing this morning. The Lord has done so much for us, for my family, for me. His Love is abundant and all comforting to my heart and soul. He truly is with me as I live his commandments. I feel surrounded by it, supported by it, and comforted by it.
There is a dream and a hope…a deep desire of my heart. It is to have my family with me after this life. I want to be Home, my Heavenly Home. To have peace, comfort, and a love that is filled with intense beauty and power is what I desire to have for all of us.
The concept of home is very powerful to me. It is a place that as a family we learn and grow together. We are given an opportunity to learn about the gospel in a way that is safe and with love. There are days that are not perfect, not even close, but there are times when the teachings of the gospel spreads a hope and a love throughout the family that as I look at them I have a comforting feeling of home…our heavenly home. A glimpse of all of us being there together—it is powerful and feels true.
I think of how I feel at the temple. To stand in the Lord’s house and help my fellow brothers and sisters to step closer towards their Maker is powerfully humbling. I am such a small person in the vastness of the universe, yet the Lord knows who I am and what my desires are. He knows the hearts of all of us. He is in charge and his gentle hand is over all of us, yet he does not interfere with our agency to choose which path we will take.
There is a song that is very meaningful to me. I feel a connection with it because of what it says. It comes from Psalm 23. It was written by James Leith Macbeth Bain. He was a Scottish hymn writer. He combined a disarmingly lovely hymn that is now known as Brother James’s Air. It is filled with pastoral settings that allows my heart and mind to travel back to my time I spent in the United Kingdom climbing mountains, passes, tromping through pastures with clear fields of emerald green dotted with white fluffy sheep and the sounds and smells of life, clean life. As my feet would walk upon the worn cobble stones of the ancient path, I felt a connection to my ancestors and felt a love towards all mankind. I felt a cry from my heart to want to be home, heavenly home with all of my family—all of them: grandparents, great-grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters, more than I could even count. I was filled with a serge of wanting to be home with all of them. A feeling of connection, of Christmas, of love overwhelmed me as I walked upon that ancient land. It was a feeling that has never left my side.
Now, today, to have all who I love be by my side, and to feel that we are home is what my heart is heavy for. I want it so badly that I am aching for it. I know that this desire is a righteous one, but one that is curbed by one principle that cannot be changed. That is agency: the right that everyone—all mankind—has to make a choice of right and wrong. I cannot interfere with it, and I know that He doesn’t interfere with it either. Just look at His children. Look at the choices that we all of mankind make here on earth. We made choices that are filled with good, better, best, bad, worse, and down-right evil. Heavenly Father knows all of us and desires for all to come home, but he knows that they (his children) must choose that path. We are all sent to earth from our Heavenly Home to be tested--to see which path we will take.
When I think about this agency, I find myself on my knees more and more pleading with my Heavenly Father to know how to best teach and guide my children so that we all can be home. I pray for the Father to send the Spirit to teach me and guide me. It is humbling to feel it. My “cup overflows” with gratitude towards my Heavenly Father as I see how he has guided my life. I’m humbled to look back on all the steps that have lead us to the place that we are today: we are stable, we have the priesthood in our home again, we are able to have more children to fill our home with our whole family, and we have a love—a deeper love towards each other than we ever have before. We are able to learn, grow, and be shaped by the gospel and by good teachings. I have had witness after witness express to me how well everyone is doing. I smile, I thank them, and then I say a prayer of gratitude in my heart immediately. Our success is through the obedience to the commandments. We are not perfect at it, I am not perfect at it, but as Elder Packer said, “I am not perfect, but I do know how to repent.”
That is how I would like to end my heartfelt gratitude this morning is that I know that repentance is the only way we can make it home, back to our Heavenly home. I know that there are times that repentance is automatic and quick, other times, I have to be humbled by a loving Heavenly Father that allows me to go through the painful process. My heart is filled with gratitude because I am able to learn more fully through that process than any other. Of course I would have loved to by-pass that step (by not making that choice in the first place) but because He is a just God, I have to pay the price, take the consequences, and then change my actions and my heart. Once that final step (which is granted by Him) of having my heart changed occurs, my eyes well with tears and “my cup runneth over”.
Simple, true, and that is what my heart feels. A deep gratitude towards Heavenly Father and all that he has done for me. I am filled with love, with quiet, with energy, with enthusiasm, and with guidance. This comes from Heavenly Father. I know that it does. This is what gives me my personality. It can be overwhelming to some, but I pray that they will feel of my Spirit and my joy. My desire, as I said before, is to bring as many people Home—to their Heavenly Home as I can influence. Why, because this feeling of love and of going home is what I desire for all of us here on earth. I know that I can’t interfere with free agency, so I will do my best to live my life as best I can. I do my best to repent when it is needed, love others, and seek guidance from my Heavenly Father throughout my whole life. I know that this will serve me well.
All of this is the deep desire of my heart. I know that it will be filled with heartache and tears when those around me choose other paths, but nevertheless, I will do my best to still love, care for, and help when I can those that I love.

2 comments:

heidiram said...

April- You are my hero. Or are you my heroine? Too bad I have to get ready for work right now. But your words are SOOOOOOO inspiring.

I'm taking that leap of faith. I'm gathering my chickens (Tino, Mateo, and Sarah) and preparing for a better life. I have been stuck in a rut for YEARS. And I am finally ready to get my spiritual act back together and try to make up for lost time that I chose to lay low on all things spiritual . . . just to keep the peace in my home. Guess what? I'm over it. I'm done. I've tried the "way of the world" and it hasn't worked out for me. So I'm back. I'm going to try and be spiritually selfish. I'm going to try to save my little family.. . just hope it's not too late.

It's so scary. But I have hope because I think about you. Look at all the sacrifices you made. Look at all the trials you have gone through. And look at the happiness you have found. I am grateful for you cuz! You have no idea what your example means to me.

Velvet Gwyneth said...

April you are so wonderful! If I could have half your energy, determination, faithfulness and knowledge. You and your words are such an inspiration to me and I know to others. Thank you for sharing your heart! I am so grateful Heavenly Father brought you into my life and ask Him to shower you and yours with blessings.