Humanity...It can cause growing pains

Today I experienced a piece of humanity that welcomed change, reflection, and forced myself to answer questions.  Thanks _____  for the conversation today...I've been chewing on it all night...It was helpful.

 If any of you know me, I am, in a word, enthusiastic.  My enthusiasm for life spills over onto many of my daily adventures and it can sometimes cause a mess.  I can come across sharp, overwhelming, angry, or tooooo excited.  When those moments happen I find myself (as I'm trying to pick up the pieces) pondering on how I can learn from what just happened. 

Apparently I have influence beyond that of which I thought--many who I didn't even know read my blogs and measure me by it.  I guess that is the risk, and it is there.  So, to some I desire to say I'm sorry--for the offense, emotions, and enthusiasm that was too much.  To others I hope that they can feel my real intention through my enthusiasm.  These are the parts of "me" that are raw and sometimes show on my sleeve.  I hate some of my emotional responses to things, but alas...yes I too am FAR from being always professional, political, or perfect.  Can these mistakes ever be forgiven?

I'm not a PC gal.  My family isn't, but truly there ISN'T malice involved, it is just raw emotion.  I'm not confrontational, but there are times when things from the past build and build that a sudden event like funding being taken away from children can just throw me over the edge. I try to be a voice and be loud but I don't mean to overstep my boundaries (like representing any institution).  I just want to my voice as a mother to be heard...and that I'm not an idiot.  I sometimes feel like listing my education, all my accreditation, and short of sending the resume, that finally someone will take me seriously and not like a dumb uninformed mother.

So, my question is, when can some of us be human---mothers who will fight for their children's rights to education, love, and justice--and / or when is it time to just take a deep breath and scream into a pillow?  To my credit I feel that I have LEARNED a great deal in this arena (thanks to my work, my master's program, and to church for teaching me) and try to take that scream into the pillow before I get all hot under the collar and write an email or post a FB that others will examine and have to give a reporting of "Angry April"  (I say that with a smile on my face because of a prior conversation...it seems so funny that I have a name like that---it is kind of endearing of my whole problem).

Hum that triggered a thought, maybe I should have a mirror around just to see my face at all times...just to make sure that I'm taking a breath, screaming into the pillow, or just brushing things off so that we can all move forward.  I would like to be known as enthusiastic April, or energy April, things like that.

Okay, what has this accomplished?  Well, it is a vent, it is a time of reflection, and I guess a little emotional....after all...lucky 7 is coming in September and well some of the enthusiasm is spilling over and getting messy again.  My asking would be, that as a person who is still learning, I pray that allowances for room to improve and to ask for forgiveness as I make mistakes that those mercies can be granted to me.  I'm hoping to extend the same to all I know...I have a lot of work to do....:)  Thankfully there's the blessing of time.