Thoughts on Conference

General Conference...it is a time that I look forward to twice a year.  Why?  Because it is a time of year that I am taught by Prophets of God.  I am chastened (ouch and time for some repenting), I reflect on how things are going, I enjoy the beautiful music, and I am personally touched by a message.  It is as if all the prayers, writing, pondering, preparing, and more prayers that the speakers offer up connect to what I've been worried about, or what I've been trying to find an answer to. 

It is a simple testimony that I know that my Heavenly Father is listening to what my worries are, what my needs are, and ways that I can grow and improve because he inspires a speaker to say just what they did...and it penetrated my heart.  I can number off some of the quick items that I remember and that touched me, but it goes beyond that. 

In about 2-3 days I will download the entire conference sessions and listen to them while I go on my "Walk and Talks" early morning walk for the next 6 months.  I will feel stirred, moved, and reminded of what I need to "be" (character development) and do (sometimes a check off list).  There are moments where there will be one talk that will ring true for me for weeks and months and then suddenly I'll hit the random button and there will be a talk that will feel like I've never heard of it before and I will be shocked, stunned, and amazed to learn more than I thought I was already learning.  When these moments happen, I'm always surprised by how "proud" my heart had become and how instantly humbled I am.  I think after going over and over the talks that I think, "oh yeah that is the one about such and such so I don't really need that" (A little prideful).  Then  I'll suddenly really listen to it...feel it (be humbled by it) and start to learn what I need again and again.

I think I can liken this process to reading the scriptures...I know 1st Nephi really, ahem, really well, but no matter, I need to read it again as I go through my study.  Who am I to say "been there done that" when it comes to reading scriptures, or hearing a lesson about tithing or what ever I think I might feel "that I know it all...ahem"  Dumb right?  Because you and I all know that as soon as you say that, you are given an opportunity to learn the lesson again, but this time with a different perspective.  When I really think about it, it is or they are, the "Tender Mercies of the Lord" giving me answers, thoughts, and things to ponder about so that I can continue on that path towards the Savior.

I think the talk that spoke to me the most right today was that of "to Be not just to Do".  Character development, perfecting, and rewriting is painful, fun, and scary all rolled up into one and the speaker is right.  "It is not on a check off list".  It is important to keep improving that for that is what we are allowed to take with us as we part from this life.  It gives me hope...there is always a new day that has no mistakes in it and based on my choices can become a day filled with learning and growth.  Sometimes that growth is painful and scary, but when you pass through that part you realize how far you have come through the gift and power and grace of God...I just love and am soooooo grateful for the Atonement.  I know that when I partake of its power that my life is better for it.  Again, many of these things are simple...not easy...but in the end character is improved and that is the "be" that I'm searching for.

WEll, anyway, that is my conference recap on things.  I can't wait to five into the talks over and over for the next 6 months.  Let the learning begin...it is exciting.  Happy Conference everyone.  :)

Just keep swimming until you find them...Autism...it is the puzzle I work with everyday

http://www.wimp.com/autisticgirl/

Please enjoy...if you feel something--cry, smile, or are in shock...just know that so many parents feel this way, so many of the children are in this world...but keep swimming--we'll find them somehow.  Many of the children I work with are not at this level of Autism...but I still have 6 hours with them everyday to help them, teach them, and not to give up on them.  Loves!  because we are all in this together.  It is a world that is tough, but it is so important to crack.  The children I work with are all in there somewhere...just keep swimming!

Marianne is One

Fun!  I love to see how much a child can grow in a year.  She is doing just that and is doing great.  It was a happy birthday: grandparents came, aunts and uncles, cousins...the works!  We missed some family members, but I know...life can happen.  Anyway she got a dolly and the cutest bunny you have ever seen.  She just fell in love.  She also fell head over heals for Dallin.  He just made a spark in her life.  It was great to see her so interactive with everyone.  It was just a great day with talking, eating, laughing, and calmness...that can be a little strange when you get a house full, but really it was just nice.  Everyone learned how to sign the Happy Birthday song...that was special (I think it is great that family is taking the time to learn how to talk and communicate with her.  That really means a lot.  :))

Happy number 1!!

Just a Thought

I had a moment that made me pause and think.  I was a bit emotional, a bit tired, and a bit worn out with just doing the everyday of life.  So, I sought the most private room in the house the downstairs bathroom with the lights off and began a prayer.  This was an interesting prayer...I prayed about things that I was really concerned with and yet they were things that I could not do much about.  Nevertheless, I pushed on and allowed the tears and things to flow and wow did they, then they would suddenly turn off, and then on and then off and then on...It was a long one. 

But I finally got to the truth of what I was feeling and from my perspective how I was understanding my life.  Afterwards, I felt so calm and peaceful.  I thought, "good, I'm feeling the love of the Lord", but I'm still not sure how to start anything, or where to begin."  Well, even with those thoughts, I just pushed forward and within minutes of me leaving the bathroom, the answers to prayers were becoming evident everywhere.  I felt so humbled and so loved by my Heavenly Father that I was filled with gratitude and quietly whispered a prayer of "thanks for listening and sharing your mercy so quickly."

It is just a thought, but more than that...The Lord really knows our needs no matter how big or small.  He really does love us.  He really does know us.  I am humbled by it every time...thoughts...prayers...they are powerful...simple...but powerful.

Marianne the Cuddle Bear

Capturing the everyday love moments...she adores the bear.

I think Isaac adores Marianne...she really can breath.

She just belched...everyone laughed.

Cuddles!  Marianne just loves this bear.

The Art Drama...

Well, some nights are amazing...some are busy, and some are just well in the words of Garrett, "down-trodden"...sigh...

Garrett's art project.  They are Archeopteryx and other Pteranadons...all three dimensional, stuffed, and hanging from...well...the hanger.



Is he proud or what?



Hum, so I must explain.  We went to the awards ceremony because we were told that his project was going to move on to state...we arrived and well HE WAS READY!  Anyway they called everyone, and in every category, and well, he was not named.  Turns out that his project lost the entry form and so it was disqualified...ouch.  He took his project and ripped it up into tiny shreds, and then he hid behind the tables for about 20 minutes while he cried, "I am a looser...and I'm so down-trodden."  Sigh...it was a heart breaker.

More pieces....

Don't we all feel like this when we are "no longer a winner"?  Poor kid.  I hope that we can enter the competition again and this time we will make sure that everything is there...sad night.

Lucky 7

WOW!  Today I got to see Lucky 7.  WE have......a cute little "bean-shaped strange blobby baby" (thanks Garrett). Strong heart beat 178...wives tale says girl...but all my kids have fast heart beats. All is great! Due date...September 16. I say we try for a week later for Grandpa Jack's birthday the 24th. Well, he'll/she'll come whenever. Happy day!

Valentine's...Then and Now

Hum...Valentines...it is a day that is very memorible in my heart.  I have one of the saddest stories about this day and then one of the best....

Do you want to hear the saddest valentine's story? I was separated from my first husband, pregnant, and very poor. I thought that I would treat myself to an ice-cream cone from Farr's...I searched for every spare penny in the house--it took three days, two parking lots, and I ended up taking 4 cents from my boy, but I found $1.12. I thought...that has to be enough.

I dropped the kids off at the free babysitting night that was down the canyon (at the time I lived in Huntsville--30 minutes east of Ogden) at Garrett's school. (Northern Utah Autism Program).  I thought that I would treat myself to a solo date and I went to RC Willey's just to be in a warm place filled with beautiful things...it reminded me of when we had the furniture store.  I needed something of Grandma and Grandpa to be with me.  I needed a little love from them and their memories helped that night.  I spent an hour there, looking, sitting, and thinking.  It was wonderful...until...

I went to the Ice cream shop (Farr's).  I  pulled up (looked at how much gas I had used and thought, I still have enough to get me through the week).  I walked in and just smelled the familiar smell of sugar, cones, and paper.  I told the clerk what I wanted and I picked out my favorite ice cream. They rang me up and the cost was $1.17. I pulled out my money and just stared at the ice cream. Stared at the ice-cream and back at the money. I was short by 5 cents...I had to walk out the store...the poor clerk was still clutching the ice cream cone and just looking at me.  I looked back over my shoulder and just started to allow the pain spill out of my eyes and onto my checks...

I just sat in my beater blue van and cried.  Since my kids were at a valentine's free baby sitting night,  I just sat in the dark, in the cold, in front of the shop for an hour until it was time to pick them up. That was one of darkest nights of my life...symbolism everywhere...anyway, that was my lowest moment of my life.

BEST Valentines:
It had to be last year...Scott and I went to the Anniversary Inn and celebrated our one year Anniversary (two months early...we knew that baby was coming and that well can do much of that after a baby...ahemmmm).  Anyway, we went to dinner, talked, made future plans, and wondered about this little darling in my tummy.  What was he/she going to look like, act like, and so forth...it was just a wonderful conversation.
The night was well...private, quiet, and just lovely.   Mostly, I had a valentine...I had someone to pamper me, think of me, and love me...sorry but sometimes that is critical.  Anyway, the following day we went to the Temple...did I say that this was the best?  I was with my two favorite people: my Hubby and with the Spirit of the Lord. 

What can I say?  I am a simple person and these two things made my whole day...month...well it has carried me for a while.  I love my Hubby, my new baby, my conversations, my family, going to the temple, and just being in places where I feel so loved.

It is quite the contrast (the two stories)...it gives me perspective...and that is priceless.  Happy Valentine's everyone.  Loves to you!

Humanity...It can cause growing pains

Today I experienced a piece of humanity that welcomed change, reflection, and forced myself to answer questions.  Thanks _____  for the conversation today...I've been chewing on it all night...It was helpful.

 If any of you know me, I am, in a word, enthusiastic.  My enthusiasm for life spills over onto many of my daily adventures and it can sometimes cause a mess.  I can come across sharp, overwhelming, angry, or tooooo excited.  When those moments happen I find myself (as I'm trying to pick up the pieces) pondering on how I can learn from what just happened. 

Apparently I have influence beyond that of which I thought--many who I didn't even know read my blogs and measure me by it.  I guess that is the risk, and it is there.  So, to some I desire to say I'm sorry--for the offense, emotions, and enthusiasm that was too much.  To others I hope that they can feel my real intention through my enthusiasm.  These are the parts of "me" that are raw and sometimes show on my sleeve.  I hate some of my emotional responses to things, but alas...yes I too am FAR from being always professional, political, or perfect.  Can these mistakes ever be forgiven?

I'm not a PC gal.  My family isn't, but truly there ISN'T malice involved, it is just raw emotion.  I'm not confrontational, but there are times when things from the past build and build that a sudden event like funding being taken away from children can just throw me over the edge. I try to be a voice and be loud but I don't mean to overstep my boundaries (like representing any institution).  I just want to my voice as a mother to be heard...and that I'm not an idiot.  I sometimes feel like listing my education, all my accreditation, and short of sending the resume, that finally someone will take me seriously and not like a dumb uninformed mother.

So, my question is, when can some of us be human---mothers who will fight for their children's rights to education, love, and justice--and / or when is it time to just take a deep breath and scream into a pillow?  To my credit I feel that I have LEARNED a great deal in this arena (thanks to my work, my master's program, and to church for teaching me) and try to take that scream into the pillow before I get all hot under the collar and write an email or post a FB that others will examine and have to give a reporting of "Angry April"  (I say that with a smile on my face because of a prior conversation...it seems so funny that I have a name like that---it is kind of endearing of my whole problem).

Hum that triggered a thought, maybe I should have a mirror around just to see my face at all times...just to make sure that I'm taking a breath, screaming into the pillow, or just brushing things off so that we can all move forward.  I would like to be known as enthusiastic April, or energy April, things like that.

Okay, what has this accomplished?  Well, it is a vent, it is a time of reflection, and I guess a little emotional....after all...lucky 7 is coming in September and well some of the enthusiasm is spilling over and getting messy again.  My asking would be, that as a person who is still learning, I pray that allowances for room to improve and to ask for forgiveness as I make mistakes that those mercies can be granted to me.  I'm hoping to extend the same to all I know...I have a lot of work to do....:)  Thankfully there's the blessing of time.

The MASCOT! Go TIMBERWOLVES!

Kellis is the Timberwolf!  He is so great as a mascot!  Totally DUDE!

So let's talk Spectrum Basketball.  Spectrum has a team and we have been playing great for a first year.  The students mostly have Autism Spectrum Disorders, and so it is a little different (like in the first game, at the half, one of the players starts to pack up his stuff.  Coach asks him, "where are you going?"  He replies, "well, the game's over, right?"  Coach has to remind the player that there is another half to play...ya know a few little hick-ups like that, but overall...our kids KNOW the game. 

GRANDMA!  WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE!

 Coach Miller has taken a bunch of students who mostly have never gotten to play on a team to where these kids can challenge all schools they come up against with their amazing DEFENCE!  On average we steal the ball away from the other team 67% of the time.  The only tiny trouble we have is that....we don't quite have the skills to actually make a basket....if we scored on only 20% of the steals we made we would win every game.  For some reason our shooting...well...it still needs some work.
Scott is the assistant coach and he helps Coach to keep his cool, encourage the kids, and tells them that he will buy anyone who makes a three pointer a candy bar....he has a few to buy!

What's over there?



The Horror!  Oh man!

 The Giauque family are the LOUDEST supporters out there.  WE yell and scream and get the cheering section in a frenzy!  and WOW  our defence is TOP! 

Shake you booty!  Do the Booty dance!

Ahhhh, a little shy.....

Everyone in the league when they come to play us, are a little hesitant.  Their coaches know that most of the kids have ASD and so they will ask Coach if they should "go easy" on them.  Coach looks them straight in the face and tells them to play like any other team.  The coaches always smile and say, ok...then our TIMBERWOLVES steal the ball over 67% and block, and PRESS the other team and suddenly there is a time out.  The other team usually has to change their strategy.   The other team is usually shocked! (Now we still need to improve our shooting because well...we stink).  I think the best thing that the other teams think when they walk away from playing Spectrum is that they have gained some respect for our players, our coaches, and what we are doing for the kids overall.  Now that is a life-long lesson.

I love my tail!



I stole the baby!  I stole the baby!!



Marianne just loves the big fuzzy-soft hugs....

 In all the teams that Spectrum has come up against there was only ONE who was rude, bashing, and down-right ignorant to our players.  This team, North Davis Academy, were shouting to the players that they were "retards", pulling faces, the parents joined in, and the players fed off the fuel.  The coach never stopped them and just let the insults continue to fly.  It was so degrading that our players felt completely defeated. 

It revealed to us what type of "character" training the students at North Davis Academy are getting (from both their parents and their school) is one of disrespect, mockery, and ignorance.  Wow...not so sure I'd be proud to attend that school, or have those parents and my parents.  Interesting.


Say.....CCCCHHHHHEEEEEESSSSEEEE!!!

  At all the games that Kellis cheers at, all the refs, the players, and the audience just love to hang with the Timberwolf!  He is animated, energetic, and down right funny!  Watch out Jazz BEAR!  This Timberwolf will give you a run for your money!  I think my favorite is how the ref's always pat his head, give him high fives, and shake his funky tail!  Kellis plays off the energy of the crowd and keeps us all motivated to shoot that ball!  Way to go Kellis!   So in the end....Spectrum Timberwolves are the hardest playing ball team in the league!  AND....WE have the ONE and ONLY MASCOT in the league....Kellis, you sure stand out!  As a mom....I'm so proud of you!  Loves!


I'm loving it!  Look at me go!  Look at me go!!



I think I want to go back to mom...no offence K...but this is a little smelly.